the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I smell stomach acid.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
