You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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