Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
