The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
