I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It's rum buckets o'clock
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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