thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
