I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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