Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
