Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
