Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
