She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
