Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
