we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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