You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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