she woke up with a sticky ear
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
