Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Damn victory sex feels great
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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