I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
