My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just gift wrapped bread.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
