4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
