my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Barsexuality is the new black.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
