I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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