guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
