Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
