Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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