I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
