Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
i am craving dick and cupcakes
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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