Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
