I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
