so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
