We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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