True but thats because hes a fetus.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The cops high fived after they tackled you
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
