Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
