I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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