i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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