No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
