shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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