so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
