I'm jealous of your bromance
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
