oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
