singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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