i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
