I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
