A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
