You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
