Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
time to smoke my breakfast
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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