you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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