Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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