on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
there is another microwave in the elevator.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
