my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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