I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
